Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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