this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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