So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
