I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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