there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
