they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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