Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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