I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
