Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
