my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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