i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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