I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
