I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
