AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize