yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize