Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
