i don't like sucking hair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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