Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
