I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
