12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
