Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
