2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
