Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
