I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
