I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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