using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
