cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You are a genius and a whore.
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