On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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