Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
