You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
