i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
