Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I want a musical about memes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
