i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
