i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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