I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
