On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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