we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
