i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
