ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
