My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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