you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
