he puts the penis in happiness.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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