Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
