I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
