He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
