the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry my hands just texted you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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