If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he fucked my hip out of place.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
