last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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