turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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