He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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