need another drink. this is the easiest way
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize