is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have post one night stand depression
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
