I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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