Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
