I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
