Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
