I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
this hospital has no fireball
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
