this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
