he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
