The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
