I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
